fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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