All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
