So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
