she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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