i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
