i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
