Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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