ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
