i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
