remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
