i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
