i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
