using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
