Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
