So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
