He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
