He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
