He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
