Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
