Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
