he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
