Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is my gift to your gina
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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