The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
