I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
