Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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