Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
