Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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