I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
