Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think people are normalizing furries
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
