Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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