this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
