it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
