he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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