Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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