Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
