Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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