So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
