I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
