i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
