I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
