i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
