I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
