College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
