Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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