but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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