i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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