Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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