I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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