He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
