guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
