Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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